Posted by David Zinczenko
on Thu, Mar 15, 2007, 11:34 am PDT
health.yahoo.com/experts/menlovesex/2483...kes-men-fall-in-love
Judging from the kind of mail we get at Men's Health from men seeking
relationship advice, I can tell you this definitively about men:
When a man falls for a woman, he falls hard. Men love to be in love. While men
often get stereotyped as single-minded sex-seekers, the truth is that a
man's stomach churns like a slushy machine when he's in those initial
stages of the perfect relationship.
When you consider that half of men say that they're currently not with
their soul mates, that means a heck of a lot of slushy machines are waiting
to be turned on. What are they waiting for? What makes a man fall in love?
After you rule out the obvious intangible laws of chemistry, attraction,
and being in the right place at the right time that kick-start many a
relationship, I think the question really becomes this: What makes a man
fall -- and stay -- in love? About 60 percent of men deem friendship the
most important thing in a relationship (sex comes in at a skimpy 8
percent, according to a national Harris Interactive poll), but let's delve
a little deeper. What exactly does that mean, and what kind of woman does
a man really want? With full acknowledgement that men's tastes in women
are as unpredictable as the plotline of "24," these are some of things
that many men value in "the one."
A Woman with a Passion in Something Other Than Him
Yes, it's nice to be doted over. Yes, it's nice to be pampered. Yes, it's
nice to be with a woman who showers you with compliments, neck kisses, and
all of her attention. But there's a virtual Great Wall of China between a
fleeting, flirtatious glance and the kind of attraction that can last a
lifetime. Many men say they like a woman who's immersed in something else
other than the relationship -- be it her work, or her sport, or whatever
her "thing" is. Why? The passion she shows for something else confirms her
inherent goodness, her personal drive, her independence. All pluses in the
woman we're hoping to spend a few decades with.
A Woman with No Problem with Guy Time
Every relationship has to choreograph the time-together dance. Once a
couple elevates from casual to serious, it goes through that period when
most waking and sleeping minutes are spent together. But at some point in
the dance, one person will call a time out from the music of coupledom,
and try to spend more time with his or her friends -- while still being
careful not to step on any feet in the process. Even when they're with the
most perfect woman, men still crave the occasional space to spend golfing
or drinking or doing whatever (64 percent of men are happy to have the
time to themselves when their wives or girlfriends have plans). Men love,
appreciate, and are thankful for women who respect and endorse (and not
complain about) his need to have a few testosterone mixers. Don't worry,
March Madness will be over in just a few weeks!
A Woman with a Strut
Her strut in the bar may have been part of his initial attraction. The
strut from the bedroom to the bathroom after the first night together may
have been pure visual ecstasy. But the strut that happens day in and day
out is one of the major attractors for a man. What do I mean by the strut?
It's that attitude, that sassiness, that confidence, that charisma, that
charm that shows she can be a little bold and little daring. In a recent
post I talked about the line between a woman being confident and a woman
being so aggressive that she turns men away, but the truth is that in
certain aspects of relationships, men want women who have the strut. Men
want to be with women who challenge them, who push them, and who take the
lead some of the times. And that's as true in the bedroom as it is in
planning their next weekend getaway. The danger? While it can be insanely
attractive, that strut of confidence can also swing a man 180 degrees --
if she uses it in other places, like to flirt with other guys, to become a
relationship dictator, or to pick a fight with his mom in front of the
whole family. He'll point that kind of strut right out the door.
A Woman with a Good Taste in Ties
Okay, so we don't really care about the ties per se. But what we care about
is a woman's ability to give us a little-and this is a key word-gentle
guidance. I know Freudian followers will say that it's a man's need to be
mothered, but it's more than that. Every relationship is a give and take,
and guys will definitely take women who can warn us when our new soul patch
looks stupid, who can guide us to the perfect suit and shirt combo for an
upcoming job interview, who can help them make decisions without being
harsh or judgmental. Guys like to project that they know what they're
doing and that they don't need any help. Women who can help steer us,
without aggressively grabbing the wheel, are the most treasured copilots.
